It took me a long time to become a parent. When I met my husband he had two children. I had not thought about a blended family. My vision had always been to go through the birth process. Now, I had an opportunity to shift my thinking and my perspective.
Things did not go easy at first. I was awkward and uneasy. Women in my neighborhood who had birthed children told me it was no easier for them. Parenting required a steep learning curve. So, I sought out support.
In my first session, the therapist said, "You are frustrated because the old paradigms of parenting no longer work. Children today want to be respected, honored and given the space to expand. They do want to be guided, but not bullied."
I was in the middle of a busy career, a new marriage, and parenting for the first time. I was neglecting my desires, my hopes, my dreams, and my overall needs.
I realized through this process that I must learn to care for myself and then learn to communicate with my children in a healthier way. Parenting is an art form. I looked up the definition of "art form":
1. The structure of an artistic work.
2. A medium for artistic expression.
3. Any medium regarded as having systematized rules, procedures, or formulations.
Right then and there I decided I would create time for me and become a new "art form." I structured my time for self care and I asked for family meetings to learn how to communicate in healthy ways. We cooked together and kept the house neat together. The shift was miraculous. By taking care of myself and modeling open, transparent communication we bonded in powerful ways.
Today, my oldest son is a social worker and my younger two sons are thriving as a filmmaker and chef. They all have amazing families and tell me that they are using some of my techniques of artful parenting. They are all mine and I'm proud of each and every one of them.
Local author, Cynthia James, launched her new book, I Choose Me: The Art of Being a Phenomenally Successful Woman at Home and at Work, on June 1st. The book is available at the Tattered Cover Book Store and on Amazon.com.
