Here is my #1 safety tip for parents: Keep a "poker face" when your child is disclosing information that can feel emotionally traumatic to you. This can be so hard to do but it is essential that you remain the calm in your child's storm.
Think of it this way: When you are in crisis and you reach out to fire/police or medics, you expect them to be calm, helpful, and professional in the crisis. Your kids need you to do this for them as well.
Can you imagine if your doctor started freaking out and lecturing you about your crappy eating habits as you were sitting there having a heart attack? How would you feel if the fire fighter totally lost it and started panicking that your house was on fire? These responses would not instill confidence in you, would they? You probably would not reach out to them ever again!
Your kids need for you to be calm, collected, and help them weather safety issues and crisis that they are experiencing. If you don't, they may hesitate to reach out to you if they think you can't handle it. (Feel free to have a panic attack later though!)
Ideas to help you stay calm:
- Count to 10 before responding.
- Don't threaten punishment in the moment.
- Allow yourself time to think privately before responding. A parent "time out" is OK!
- Don't bombard our child with "Why" questions ("Why did you do that?", "Why did you not listen?" Why were you there in the first place?")
- Seek expert advice to help you navigate the situation.
- Breathe!
Most importantly, remember that your child came to YOU to talk to. Make sure that they know you love them no matter what!
Kim Estes is the owner of Savvy Parents Safe Kids and is a child safety expert. Kim has worked with parents for over 15 years and travels around the USA talking with parents on how to keep their kids safe in today's world. Kim believes every adult has the power to keep kids safe through prevention education.
